Scribesmeister v4 (In Zero Gravity)

As soon as I was jolted out of sleep, I found myself singing the chorus part of the OPM song Sana’y Maulit Muli…and it goes like this, “kung kaya kong iwanan ka, di na sana aasa pa…kung kaya kong umiwas na, di na sana lalapit pa…kung kaya ko sana…” I guess, basically, that’s an implication of the truth. I can’t walk away from him just like that. I can’t turn my back on him at the time when he badly needs me to understand him. I can’t just lose the feeling just because he’s not here to hold me back. Hindi ko siya kayang iiwan ng ganito…

In between breaking down and maintaining my composure, I ask myself, “How much more can I take in?”. In between waking up and going back to sleep, I wish that I could suspend my thoughts in midair. I won’t think of you in every waking moment and you won’t linger in my dreams…the more my mind feeds me of your memory…the more I hurt…the more I wanna leave the past behind me…the more I believe that what we are now is just a trace of what we once were. But I feel alright, like everything’s okay. Although I know that there’s something missing.  Okay, I’m there…it’s just a matter of accepting (How many times do I have to tell myself that huh?)..but I CAN’T! It’s so hard to. It’s like being forced to settle for something less when you can have the best. He’s busy, he has his own priority that doesn’t include me, he doesn’t have plans to see me any time soon…Ohhkayyy, I can accept that. But I can’t accept the fact that I actually allowed myself to just ACCEPT things as it is. Is it because I love him more that he loves me now? I’m not sure about that, but some people can attest to that. It makes me so angry that he’s making a malady of my feelings…wahhh…Something changed. Whatever it is, I hope it’s not bad news. Someone who had forever watched the pattern of her life change through all these years can tell…