We’re on both ends of a knotted spool of thread
as time fumbles it perilously.
There is no way I can stitch up the pieces
of a dream long found empty.
I cannot melt in your icy stare
or jump into the slivers of broken identity,
Of the man that once touched the
most fragile part that is within me.
~(”,)~
hmmm..c’mon!!!Think of just one word to describe my mood today…i mean,that poem don’t speak of the feelings I have now.I don’t know.I just sat right here and started hitting the keys.until boom!something like that(above)was magically made.haha…:)ehehe…and whoa…:) it’s so not me…ang galing!:)
oh yeah,i got something to tell you.I studied til 3 am for my 2 quizzes today…only to find out that they’re not gonna give it out until the next meeting.oh shit.I prepared for that one. When I started reading, my eyes felt so heavy and I could just lay my head over the book and hope that my mind will absorb all the info through osmosis.haha..:) I felt like I wasted time,but I know it would have been worth it.
Trachycardia: abnormal rapid heart beat.
hmmm….i am currently…experiencing that.but i feel great:) i wonder why…hmm….i’m gonna post this lyric…i’m gonna sing this to him someday.(abah,i’m anticipating!bad yan!haha)
How’s It Gonna Be
by Third Eye Blind
I’m only pretty sure that I can’t take anymore
Before you take a swing
I wonder
What are we fighting for
When I say out loud
I want to get out of this
I wonder
Is there anything I’m gonna miss
I wonder How it’s gonna be
When you don’t know me
How’s it gonna be
When you’re sure I’m not there
How’s it gonna be
When there’s no one there to talk to, between you and me
‘Cause I don’t care
How’s it gonna be
How’s it gonna be
Where we used to laugh
There’s a shouting match
Sharp as a thumbnail scratch
A silence I can’t ignore
Like…
The hammock by the doorway we spent time in
Swings empty
I don’t see lightning like last fall
When it was always about to hit me
I wonder how’s it gonna be when it goes down
How’s it gonna be
When you’re not around
How’s it gonna be
When you found out there was nothing
Between you and me
‘Cause I don’t care
How’s it gonna be
How’s it gonna be
When you don’t know me any more
And how’s it gonna be
Wanna get myself back in again
The soft dive of oblivion
Wanna taste the salt of your skin
The soft dive of oblivion
Oblivion
How’s it gonna be
When you don’t know me any more
How’s it gonna be
How’s it gonna be
….yeah,i really wonder….
As soon as I was jolted out of sleep, I found myself singing the chorus part of the OPM song Sana’y Maulit Muli…and it goes like this, “kung kaya kong iwanan ka, di na sana aasa pa…kung kaya kong umiwas na, di na sana lalapit pa…kung kaya ko sana…” I guess, basically, that’s an implication of the truth. I can’t walk away from him just like that. I can’t turn my back on him at the time when he badly needs me to understand him. I can’t just lose the feeling just because he’s not here to hold me back. Hindi ko siya kayang iiwan ng ganito…
In between breaking down and maintaining my composure, I ask myself, “How much more can I take in?”. In between waking up and going back to sleep, I wish that I could suspend my thoughts in midair. I won’t think of you in every waking moment and you won’t linger in my dreams…the more my mind feeds me of your memory…the more I hurt…the more I wanna leave the past behind me…the more I believe that what we are now is just a trace of what we once were. But I feel alright, like everything’s okay. Although I know that there’s something missing. Okay, I’m there…it’s just a matter of accepting (How many times do I have to tell myself that huh?)..but I CAN’T! It’s so hard to. It’s like being forced to settle for something less when you can have the best. He’s busy, he has his own priority that doesn’t include me, he doesn’t have plans to see me any time soon…Ohhkayyy, I can accept that. But I can’t accept the fact that I actually allowed myself to just ACCEPT things as it is. Is it because I love him more that he loves me now? I’m not sure about that, but some people can attest to that. It makes me so angry that he’s making a malady of my feelings…wahhh…Something changed. Whatever it is, I hope it’s not bad news. Someone who had forever watched the pattern of her life change through all these years can tell…
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