Scribesmeister v4 (In Zero Gravity)

in every beginning of a new day…a new indelible pain is born. literally.
it started last wednesday.

i had my heart check-up (again) because of my incessant chest pains. it’s hitting me right through, it’s my heart kicking like crazy…or so I thought. The doctor declared it wasn’t a heart problem/complication. After seeing the results of my tests, he said it is just mere COSTOCHONDRITIS. what the hell is that? I asked him. well, to wit -

*Costochondritis is a syndrome of chest wall pain that is due to inflammation of the cartilage and bones in the chest wall, most commonly the second or third ribs. The pain that results is often intensified by movements that change the position of the ribs, such as lying down, bending over, coughing or sneezing. Pain may mimic that of coronary artery disease. The pain, which may be quite intense, is commonly aggravated by exercise and activity, erroneously suggesting that it may be coming from the heart.

okay, so i guess that will put my Mom in peace, for now. Since she never gives up on the thought that it might be my heart. Paranoid Mom…she gets overly stressed everytime i’d feel something like this or that nowadays. Ayaw nya daw na ako masunod ma-hospital. I understand, thanks Mom.:) By the way, the doctor gave me a prescription with my favorite drug (err, pain killer) on it!whoopee!It’s a prescription drug, alright. Morbic (formulated with morphine?!whoa.) and Tramadol(you’ll forget who you are,really). I don’t like the injectables. Takot ako. Hehe. Tabs lang noh. But Dad, the antagonist, won’t let me have any (at first)…but then, as the second series of pain shock attack arises from my (pressumably/suspected) bladder…

wait…i’ll tell you about it tomorrow. I gotta go! gotta watch Stonefree!!!!!darn, darn!
FYI: I’m having abdominal punches at this moment and my wisdom tooth is jutting out and cracking my nerves!!!!argh!….gotta hurry now!bye!

(edited)
Part 2 with continuation:

….my Dad freaked out and I sent him running to get some of th0se tiny pills that i love. And Boy did it last longgg! It lasted for about a whole day. Ugh, all the while I was thinking it would all soon be over.

last friday:

I went to Sm North,scouring for the malls for something. I got there and got totally astounded by the crowd , a sea of faces and mixture of stench odor from people! Nope, di po nila ako pingakaguluhan…they’re there for the MALLWIDE SALE! I didn’t know that. I hate people. I hate shopping. But then, I ended up buying stuff for myself. I was about to feel really good about the cheap top I’ve purchased from Forever 21 for half of the original price, until I felt a twitch of pain in my tummy…and it wouldn’t stop. Well, i was planning to knock myself down ’til night snaking my way through the crowd by myself…but I’ve been compelled to take the first taxi cab i see and jump inside. Argh! I had to get home quick before I die! Apparently, it was somekind of…you know….Bwahaha!

last saturday:

before i dragged myself to my quasi-school, i was really feeling dizzy and all…my tummy again, started to hurt intensely. i wanted to lie there and just wait for it to pass. but i can’t miss a single lesson. i’ll lose all sense of worth. wahaha… so i decided to go, besides…i was starting to feel better at that time. as soon as i ate my dinner with vj at 7pm, it acted up again. Grrr.I didn’t wanna spoil the night, so I told him that i would just rest and we’d dart our way to Metrowalk. I was still in pain when we got there, but it eventually dwindled away. I was feeling okay until I got home. 4I wasn’t able to doze off.Painkillers won’t work. I thought,God, i wish i know how to stick that novain into my veins! But yeah, i’m scared to get killed.
By the way, there’s a picture of me with him…hehe. I was getting all kulit and i wouldn’t wanna kiss him in the lips.Bwahaha. So, he settled for the next best thing.:P CHEEKS! aww…

for the time being…there’s a chill of sudden realization of utter helplessness running up and down my spine. i am tired. one hundred and one percent on the money.

oh my…i feel paralyzed. thoughts now running to either side of my head and pulling it apart. i can’t conjure up one bit of a soothing image (the best beaches in the world or my fairy tale coming to life) to calm my emotionally-tensed-up muscles. that sounds redundant, but who cares?

am i living a perfectly normal life?

maybe. i would like to think that i am. but i can’t really say. after scavenging every sliver of broken memories and summoning the buzzing life i once had, everything messed up once again. And i’m back to where I never wanna return to. Never imagined this double espresso’s palatableness could be much worse. I forged on to drinking up this bitterness despite the fact that I really don’t gulp any of this kind (caffeine). I wouldn’t have minded anything, until I remembered how it should taste.

I spit on my snow white tank top. I won’t have time to wash it out at once. Now it will leave a dull yellowish stain for sure.

you will never really understand because some things are never meant to be understood.

argh….so, i just found out that my yesterday’s blog entry had been screwed by that damn internet connection!after spending about an hour trying to tie up all those butterfly thoughts circling in my head?!and i can’t understand why this life is always playing its stupid tricks on me.it must be meant to be.yeah right.=) i won’t repeat any of whatever i’ve said in that entry. after all, it’s all emotional outburst. but still, it’s long enough to get anyone bored and disinterested at first blush…and i felt like i’ve exhausted every drop of my remaining punch. hayy…naransan ko na ring magsulat sa hangin at sumigaw sa langit na parang walang nakikinig. yes, this is the feeling. maybe God is trying to tell me: “I don’t want you to have anything to make you remember. Put down your grudge.” I know I don’t need to blow it open to all you poor guys reading this bull.

Nothing but chastised and maligned.