How bad and good does it need to get?
How many loses, how much regret?
What chain reaction, what cause and effect
Makes you turn around,
Makes you forgive and forget,
makes you change…makes you change…
-Tracy Chapman(Change)
It would have been nicer if I know the complete lyrics, but I don’t. Don’t worry, next time. Every line makes the song really special to me (you in wonderment).Hay…I just don’t wanna be corrected if ever i wrote down the faulty and innacurate lyrics. Hehe.
Oh well, my favorite and most kosher nephew - my Chikabang(he invented this one), just bailed out from the hospital an hour ago and is now rollicking with us once again. He couldn’t take the hospital miasma anymore and wanted to go to the mall already. Mana sa pagkagala ko! Thankfully, he’s back to furor and normalcy. SuperMarma(that’s me.he made this up,too!) is happy again!hehe…
-33-
Name-Goo Goo Dolls
And even though the moment passed me by
I still can’t turn away
Cause all the dreams you never thought you’d lose
Got tossed along the way
And letters that you never meant to send
Get lost or thrown away
And now we’re grown up orphans
That never knew their names
We don’t belong to no one
That’s a shame
But if you could hide beside me
Maybe for a while
And I won’t tell no one your name
And I won’t tell em your name
Scars are souvenirs you never lose
The past is never far
Did you lose yourself somewhere out there
Did you get to be a star
And don’t it make you sad to know that life
Is more than who we are
You grew up way too fast
And now there’s nothing to believe
And reruns all become our history
A tired song keeps playing on a tired radio
And I won’t tell no one your name
And I won’t tell em your name
I think about you all the time
But I don’t need the same
If it’s lonely where you are come back down
And I won’t tell em your name
Ugh…I ssssoooo love that song! oh, sweet reveries…
What does it mean when you dream that half of you wants to run away and half of you wants to stay? And….you can’t choose. You can’t decide. You tell yourself, this couldn’t be any worse.
i dream that i am picking up a car key which belongs to your mom and I feel the urge to run after her and toss it her way. then, as soon as i drop the key into her palm, she stops me as if telling me that I have to wait a little while…for you. I want to scram real bad for fear that you might see me, not for fear that i might catch a glimpse of you. I am your eyesore and I want to stay away from your sight because that’s what I’m told - that’s what I know I have to do - although I really wish to be be visible all the time. As I am about to step outside, you come in with a few new faces. I sink back to my seat, wanting to die. Try to cover my face with a newspaper i hold up in front of me. You sit just right behind me. You tap my left shoulder and say… “Ikaw ha…andyan ka pala. Di mo lang ako pinansin.”
Then I woke up feeling confounded and perplexed….
if faced with that kind of situation in reality, was that what i should really do?
Ang pansinin ka kung ayaw mo naman? Di bale, alam mong di kita de-deadmahin. Promise.
This is actually the sequel of my “cancelled gimmick” story.Here goes…
That friday night, I texted a friend I’ve known since my freshman year in college just to ask how she has been doing. Then she immediately replied, “Wow…timing ka talaga lagi.” She’s heartbroken and wanted to spill the bucket of tears on me. So, I told her, Let’s go out tomorrow and tell me everything about it! So everything was set. Except my two other super-guy-friends (they don’t know each other), wanted to know if I’m booked for the weekend. Matagal ko na ring di nakikita yung dalwang yun….so I agreed to meet up with them later saturday night. Si Jen na muna, para masabi niya na sa akin ang mga dapat sabihin.
I never had a permanent circle of friends since time immemorial. I never got stuck in a hierarchical group (e.g. mean girls) and tried to be someone else just to fit in. NO! That’s why i hardly invite any kind of heated arguement with anyone. Napapakisamahan at pinapakisamahan ko sila lahat. But that doesn’t mean na nagpapakaplastik ako. I’m just lucky and glad that they love me for who I am. So yun nga, hiwahiwalay friends ko at di magkakakilala…they are the petals around the rose (ako yun!). I’m the one who keeps them together and from falling…meaning?!Bwahaha. And I never tried experimenting on mixing my friends for fear that they may not get along well. Hay…buti na lang, nagkakasundo sila. Kahit ang lakas mangasar ng isa dun.
So anyway, I and Jen were at Mcdo, East Ave. (near our place) when Bonjing and Baby Bro started emerging from nowhere. Initially, I was thinking to take them along with my brothers and the rest of their barkada, but on second thoughts - that wouldn’t be favorable for all (especially for me, because my attention would be totally divided and I would want to spend enough time with them). We wind up gulping down san mig light macho mugs at Quatro in Timog. It was helluva night. It wasn’t a mistake. Hay…old friends are always the best.
Have you ever said something to a person and felt like you were talking more to yourself than to him? Like you were just telling your own sorry story…and you asked yourself, should I be the one absorbing this?
We all need courage to defeat our fears. But I need courage to trust myself and shun my system’s negative elements. I need courage to forget, move on and stitch up my heart again. Well, I can start from here and use up this damn toilet tissue stuck in my bag ad hoc.
I hate the burning sensation on my face when I’m screaming mad like this (like i’ve been slapped a hundred times), but most especially, I hate the acid rain on it.
I think my clothes have dried faster than I expected. My hair is just limp and unkempt, but I could only care less. I’m chilled, famished and utterly dangerous. I could wring side to side the neck of anyone who would stay close to me.
hay…as soon as I started typing the words, my anger started abating. Finding myself deleting each letter, and taking things back. I just can’t disclose it yet…
I wonder why? Maybe I just feel good being alone.
“God will never leave you empty, He will replace everything you’ve lost…If He ask you to put something down, it’s because He wants you to pick up something else greater.”
So, for all the people I’ve found (or who found me) and lost - I will never turn my back on you.
May babalikan pa rin kayo…
Heaven
Moonpools and Caterpillars
I believe in heaven and know
that I should just accept it all
So content with the paths that I walk on
surely I should see it all
So take care and don’t go too far,
I will miss you so
When the distance grows
and the nights are long
and you’re scared at times
and you wonder why
Take care and don’t go too far
I will miss you so
I’ve looked into the sky a hundred times
and I’ve seen the stars that shine so bright
I’m sure that one of them is you, my friend
Watching and waiting and hoping thatI’ll be alright
So take care and don’t go too far
I will miss you so
And when the distance grows
and the nights are long
and you’re scared at times
and you wonder why
Take care and don’t be too scared..
Take care and don’t go too far…the road back home is shorter than you know
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