God, snap out of it! you’re staring into space again, dimwit.
I’m ironing out my plans, it’s still a bit crumpled, ya know. Geez, I can’t do it right now. I can’t! I just said it! My…
I’m getting there…
where?
almost there…
hey, do you even know where you’re headed?
damn, beats me.
I know where I should be. I know where I should throw and glue myself in. I’ll start from here. I’m working on it now. No one would get in my way….but, myself. Ahhh! I am my worst enemy. I don’t know how to get this piece of shit out of me. What am i doing strapping myself with steel bars? Can you imagine that? Haha. (this is not a laughing matter). In a way, every single thing becomes phantasmagorical to my eyes…and for a moment, I never have to think about what would happen next…and I just wanna stay where I am. But yeah, the yanking of the devil never stops and slapping me hard with reality.
Close your eyes.
Your mind might take you there.
to regain the things that you’ve lost.
to have the the grit to escape…
to blast off without wanting to fall back.
let me tell you one thing: you must have noticed that i’ve been going out once or twice a week again, but that doesn’t mean that i’m back to that old kids-stuff habit. Nagkakataon lang. Oh, well…there’s another one coming up this week (on the 20th). Geez, I wish I could invite you guys but it’s gonna be my brother’s b-day celebration. Boo-hoo. Wait for my turn, but I don’t think you drink(alcohol), do you? I need drinking/laughing/simply crazy buddies. Haha. Anyway, i’m not sure if I have told you that I don’t like hanging out with my boyfriend’s friends and their girlfriends. but i’m sure i’ve told you that I don’t like people. new people. no, not all. but, most new people. hmm,not really..but yeah, i guess, i don’t like meeting newbies for now. I’m gonna ostracized myself for now. Okay, i hope i’m making that clear. But well, HIS friends have always wanted me to go everytime they would have their weekly inuman (i really don’t dig it). So when the girlfriend of my boyfriend’s friend invited me to her b-day party, i didn’t say a thing (gosh, here we go again. i’m gonna be tangled up with unintentional/uncalled-for “friendships”). But Vj answered for me (btw, he said yes, I’d come). Though I’ve tried to discourage him, he only felt bad about it. He was thinking again that i don’t like his barkada (no,it’s not that…but i don’t like the “nosy girlfriends of his friends” and you know that i’m not very comfortable with this kind female specie.it’s like i’m gonna have to sniff their “real” smell out of them.i mean, these “girlfriends”. di mo kasi alam kung pinaplastik ka lang e.) So, i went and meshed with them. Fine. Everything was casual. Drink. Small talk. Dance. Bob my head. Smile. Laugh. Answer a question after another. The “girlfriend” was nice. I don’t have anything against her. She was the chirpy and slaphappy type. Typical girly girly. Ok, she’s nice allright. Give her a break. Hehe. I’ve met his friends before, except this one. But they’re all nice to me. Really. Nice. That’s all I ever said. Freak.
I had laughing trip with two of his guyfriends though. It was a genuine and hearty laughter. I didn’t fake it. I didn’t have to. And I’m not a poser for crying out loud! I’m more at ease with guys. I feel like i’m one of them. Sometimes I wish I was a handsome buck. I think things are easier when you’ra a guy…or maybe not. But i like their lifestyle. Bwahhaha. What’s the matter with me? Argh. All of a sudden, I wanna be a guy! physically and emotionally! weeehh… i wish.=p but most people envy my “emotional shell”….they say it’s hard to crack. Nah, it’s not. Believe me. I’m as sensitive as a feather easily taken by the wind’s mildest blow. Pssh, shut the hell up Sarj!
whoa…i gotta go! buhbye.
Wednesday night was exceptional. Whoa. Vj and I celebrated our 15th month together watching movies, eating, playing arcades and bowling and gulping a bucket of ice cold beer at Timog (beer tastes bad right? but the beer at OFF THE GRILL was hella yucky!LUMA!). I had two and he had 3 and a half. Luckily, I was with him or else I would’ve gone cuckoo and slammed the bottles against the post beside me. I mean, I shouldn’t go mad when I’m celebrating a special occasion, that is. Or everything would be squelched. I’m a muddafucking(oops, sowee) squelcher. Oh anyway, all those things sound somewhat ordinary but we did it all in a day. No, make that more or less 8 hours. And it was really fun and my happiness was skyrocketing to the stars. Although I couldn’t eat much because of my still-fragile tooth, I happened to polish off my plate (with 1 and a half cups of rice and an extra large fries to fill) in a snap. Takaw! He exclaimed. At one time, he even said: “Ikaw lang talaga ang kilala kong babae na ganyan katakaw” or sometimes he would kid me, “Oh kain tayo dun sa medyo mura dahil alam ko na ang katakawan mo”.haha.Well, he adores my appetite and that also makes him feel even more comfortable wolfing down with me. Kasi ‘di siya nahihiya sa katakawan nya. Hehe. I have gastric dilation (don’t gain weight no matter how much I eat) and in his case, he’s just plain greedy-gut. I won’t wonder where he’s got his bulge.Haha. And I still love him for that!=) Nyek…corny noh? Sus, kayo talaga…minsan ko lang gawin ‘to.Haha.
I know moments like this are spasmodical, so I am carving it in my head for good measure. =)
Ulan pa!Sarap…
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