focus. or you might get killed.
“it’s better to lose some of the battles in the struggle for your dreams than to be defeated without even knowing what you’re fighting for”-paolo coelho
perfect quote for the day!
i’ve had spent too much time watching foreign films last week. i’ve learned a few more phrases to add up to my very limited knowledge. hahaha…nagpapaka-linguist!
oh by the way, i already got my grade and certificate in French. You wouldn’t believe this shit, but the record said I got an E for Excellent!hahaha. Di ko siya masyadong dinibdib ha. Nagdugo talaga utak ko dun sa 4th part e. I didn’t know how I got it right. I just followed my gut-feel. And thank God for my habit of reading the french dictionary or any dictionary.=p oh well, mayabang na naman ako ngayon.Hihi.Vj treated me out as a reward. Foodtrip and booze night. Nyek. We’re like kids.=)
but…on the way home…we had a huge fight. my happy moment got spoiled.so much for my uncontrollable emotional outrage.huh?!haha
this is the first time that I’ve watched Meet Joe Black from start to end. I don’t know, is it that embarrassing? I mean for a used-to-be-Brad-Pitt swooner like me? I still like him even at 41. but not that much anymore.hehe…Oh well, there’s only one thing I can say…I loved it! and thank God!Brad Pitt is not the only reason.
I finally have a copy of Lifehouse’s 2005 released album!whoopee!:) I wish I could post every lyric to my page…so just search it on my lyric search engine.hehe.or go to http://www.azlyrics.com/l/lifehouse.html Come Back Down, Into the Sun and Walking Away are my favorites. But I adore all of their songs! It just makes me sad everytime…you know, i’m an incorrigible masochist.
Hmmm….what else?
Oh yeah, last night he asked me…” If ever I decided to let you go for the sole reason that I believe he can make you happier, would you agree or not, would you (want to) be with him?”
I could have said “No,of course not.” right away…. but it made me think and delay my answer a minute longer (i thought hours had passed). Ayoko kasi magsalita ng tapos at bumalik sa akin mga sinabi ko. It was never my style. So, finally I said…
“Of course not…i wouldn’t agree with you because I’m happy with you and it would be a mistake to just accept your reason. But if the time comes when I feel that things i do with you are not making me happy anymore, I’d tell you…I don’t know who I wanna be with after you (coz I’m not entertaining the thought), but whoever he is…he’s lucky.and you’d be sorry for letting me go.” I ended it with a laugh. I know he was just fishing. Maybe he didn’t take it seriously. I don’t know. He didn’t say a word after that. Maybe he was pondering on the things I have said and wondering if there’s some truth to it. I don’t know. I followed it up with…”we are not gonna disappear into that corner,are we? we’re going straight ahead.you and me.” I meant it and I hope that made him feel better. Then he resumed on fishing information again as to how much I love him and whatnot.
———>
Have you ever been tangled up into a texting blooper? Grabe, I was so stupid. I missent a text message to the person who shouldn’t be reading anything like that…Ang gulo noh? But try to pick it up. I almost threw away my phone. What a blunder! I wouldn’t even want to disclose the details. Bottomline is: I got a person hurt again…incidentally and unintentionally… Why am I so bothered myself? Because I care for this person and I wanna help *** out of the can as soon as possible.
Once again, guilty…
No matter how perfect you seem to be to other people, someone is always out to get you to tell you that you’re not good enough.
Whenever you struggle to be at your best and shoot for perfection with the things you do - no matter how minuscule - people expect more of you each time. It normally doesn’t get me, but there’s just this one person that’s making it a real big thing. It’s so hard to live up to the expectations of others, mind you - instead of attaining a solid sense of fulfillment, you become a victim of (your own) circumstance. A slave to manipulative minds. A mutatnt in a replusive world with all the inhumane ways to smother you. A stranger to your own.
—————->
I’m still having the dizzying backlash of that terrible blow.
All the while I was thinking that it could only happen in movies…extreme emotions could really lead to temporary paralysis, chest tightening, and violent acidic spasms in your tummy that makes you wanna throw up. I was a zombie. No sense of direction; almost lifeless. I felt my heart banging against my chest like a rock with sharp and jagged edges. It felt as if it’s bent on wriggling out. I know I was in pain. But I didn’t feel any of this until I halted and fill my lungs with air ( I thought I really could have died.haha)…uhuh, i guess it’s still an instinct to live. Draining my eyes, I started noticing where I was heading and decided to go back and continue living, despite the misery and squalor I’d still have to endure (for sure). I won’t end the battle this way - not when everything you’ve got to lose is already mine. Now, Breathe.
It’s easier to let go of the hurt, when you still hold on to something far more important than your grudges. Emancipate yourself from your bad blood.
—————–>
Grr, I’m making the wrong move again! Oh no. I’ve vowed to not let any guy get close to me again. And what is this? I don’t want this one. (Nyak) I don’t have any problem being nice or being rude at that, but I only give the person what they deserve. I try to be fair at all times. Although fairness is a concept that applies only to limited situations, things, individuals (?). But I should be avoiding things like this. I should be blocking them off. Tama! Everytime we’d talk about things we have in common, he’d say “Wow, pareho pala tayo” or whenever I say something he usually finds amusing, there’s the Wow again plus “you’re almost perfect na talaga.sayang” (bang!ayan na naman yang “perfect” na yan!ano ba kayo?!I’m not perfect!) yeah, one of those pick-up lines, huh? But you know, he’s very transparent and he openly shares stories about his past relationships (that I don’t even wanna know if it was up to me), views, life, ideal girl (thank God!it/she doesn’t look like me). My bro tells me the same thing about him, too. Very open and honest. Oh well, they’re friends. He seems really nice and all…but he’s vulnerable. That’s why I wanna keep him at a comfortable distance. I don’t wanna create any deep seated connection between us and develop a sort of fondness for a guy friend. I don’t wanna give myself hope that he would stay for always and in the end, a hard time pretending that our friendship never existed. In the end, it will always be me and the infinite expanse between our polarized worlds.
Maybe someday someone will fill the role of a male bestfriend in my life, but *sigh* maybe that already too much to ask..*heavier sigh*
——————–>huh?
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