Unang Araw :: Sugarfree
Sadya ba talagang ganyan
Palakad-lakad ka’t nakatungo
Sa’n patungo?
Ngayong wala ka na
Kailangang masanay na muling nag-iisa
Sa’n ka na kaya?
‘Wag mo akong sisihin
Kung minsan ikay hanapin
Ito ang unang araw na wala ka na
Ito ang unang araw na wala ka na
Nasanay lang sigurong nand’yan ka
‘Di ko inakalang pwede kang mawala
‘Yan na nga
Nababato, nalulungkot
Luha’y napapawi ng singhot
At talukbong ng kumot
‘Wag mo akong sisihin
kung minsan ako’y iyakin
Ito ang unang araw na wala ka na
Ito ang unang araw na wala ka na…
almost 4:30 a.m. barely 10 mins.
tumigil man ang ulan o hindi…
uuwi na ako.
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i really can’t say anything. as in, until now i’m still trying to figure out what i felt and infinitely feeling after the lightning finally struck me dead. Carbonara makes me choke. The interiors of my house makes me cringe. God, I can’t keep myself from falling apart. I really want to force a smile. Well, I could stretch my facial muscles for a grin, but it gets stiffer everytime. For the first time I didn’t feel guilty for telling Vj that I’m really upset and depressed that a person in my life has left. And that I feel empty. It was just a good thing that he sympathizes with me. But it doesn’t feel right at all.
Ah, stop. I don’t wanna go beyond the words that couldn’t explain the circumstance I am in.
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Okay, maybe someday I’d be able to fill you in with what happened or with my thoughts at least. But, let me start collecting myself first. 
I can finally sniff off my new scent
yihee! Argh. It’s addictive. And I know why it didn’t last long when I sloshed it on me. Haha. :p Sumakay ka ba naman sa jeep kung hindi mangamoy usok. I kept bugging Weltsch last weekend, do you smell it? Why can’t you smell it while I can? At last he said, “oo, may naaamoy ako pero konting konti lang.” I snapped, “hmph! badtrip! halos ipaligo ko na yan, tapos wala rin pala.grr.” Ahh! I hate pollution! Not only does it leave me exuding with the smell of a burnt charcoal, but it quickly dries up my skin! Shh…ttt.
Anyway, let me tell you about yesterday…
It was raining hard as we dashed off the office and I got this slight ugh, stain on my pants that was ticking me off. Had no choice, I took a cab. I honestly don’t like ultra inquisitive drivers, err, people. It’s okay if we are this close (at an arms length). Hmph. Papansin. Kakairita! Well, sometimes I answer for the sake of being nice or give a nod in reply. But when it gets into my nerves, I’d give a blank stare. And some people just don’t get it. Ugh, too bad.
Then, when I got home tired and all…Ethan greeted me with a warm bear hug and a sloppy, candy-smelling, kiss on the lips. Wow! He’s home! We both cheered like giggly kids. Well, he’s a kid all right, I just look like one. Whoops. Hahaha. God, I missed him so much that I treated him out to Jollibee without blinking. “Thank you Auntie Chala. Bukas Gateway naman ha?” I said ok but I can only take him there on weekends, he agreed with “Okay!” Wah…he’s so cute! Weltsch is really gonna miss him to bits. And Ethan would miss him just the same and would constantly pester me with this question: “Hindi mo na ba sila kaibigan? Bakit hindi mo na pinapapunta dito at di na nagdadala ng donuts?” I know he’s somewhat just after the donuts and perks, but heck - like I said, I just look like a kid. There’s so much more that I’d be missing.
“Right now, the only possible thing is that we would be poles apart and I would be lost in my cage for as long as I’m not betting off my cards - my life - for the thing I wanted most. “
-Sarj
To view my private entry from which I extracted the words above, go to: secrets
