After work, Kelly and I went to the bookstore again, just to let the little red book spit out some answer - or some kind. Actually, it was called “The Book of Answers”, we spotted it among the pile of books on sale and so that’s how we started having fun fumbling with it. It’s not that all answers are proverbial or convincing enough that I’d actually freak out and follow what it says. But one answer (rather statement) caught me spinning: “It’s bound to last”. I got it four times as a reply to my almost identical queries (uhm, musings?). What are the odds? This is a trick, I thought to myself. But still, it somehow lurched a dawdling smile across my face. I don’t know if it might be true. All i know is that I want to knock my head off of wishful thinking and quit half-hoping. Really, what is bound to last? Is it our friendship? my love life? the endless nights of misery? the days of waiting? what? It’s not fair! I should have asked this: How can I have both night and day? How can I feel the rain trickling down my face without getting wet? How can I look up at the sun forever without hurting my eyes? Of course no one knows how and neither do I - for it is, something that never happens.
Anyway, shift mood.
Yesterday, while I was waiting for a bus outside Robinson’s, the vendors found an umbrella lying along the sidewalk. Then they thought to dispose it by bargaining it for 50 bucks. The other guy started shouting “Payong!Payong!50 lang!bago pa!” I was looking at the umbrella, it’s new and still has a price tag on it that reads 350 bucks. I wanted to buy it (as in), but still a little apprehensive. I was thinking that maybe it was just a trick, that as soon as I got my wallet out of my bag, one of them might grab it from me and blast on. So I said, no I’m not going to do that. Until someone bought the umbrella and those 3 vendors jumped happily. I felt guilty. I don’t know why. I guess I was feeling bad that I didn’t get it for myself and worse when I turned them into scumbag snatchers in my mind. Grr. How can I practice non-judgemental judging? Anyway, there’s another scene that struck me. They divided their earnings (at talagang nagoobserve ako, diba?haha), 20 for the one who were able to sell it(let’s call him X) . Another 20 for the one who found it (this one is X2). And 10 pesos for the one who urged them to deal it(of course, X3). X3 turned to X2 and said, “Akin na 10 piso mo, bili nating yosi.” X2 hestited and gave 5 pesos to X3, “Sige, sayo na lang.” X3 replied, “Pano ikaw?Ayaw mo? Sige.” X2 shook his head, “Papambili ko na lang fishball to. Kanina pa ako nagugutom eh. Pagkain na lang.”
Aww…nalungkot na lang ako bigla. Although I’m certain that I was already starving then, I know it was nothing compared to their rumbling stomach they endured probably the whole day. Oh man, I felt bad. Nakakasar noh? It’s a disappointing and surging reality that everywhere you look, it seems like you can’t do anything more.
So there, back to her letter, she ended it with:
Yeah, if i didn’t get stuffed, i wouldn’t have said that. Nyahaha.