The last episode of Grey’s Anatomy in season two was a tearjerker. And with the use of earphones, I was able to absorb the dialogues well. Like I was there, yeah right. haha. Argh! I can’t wait to get to the third season! *sob* Okay, off to the other “distraction”. I’m going to watch a movie tonight. So, after that…either I start straining my eyes reading Murakami’s thoughts or focusing on the face of One Tree Hill’s Chad. He’s not my type all right. I’m just
trying to see what’s likable about him. Ugh, maybe the eyes is a plus. Haha. Oh no, Beng’s gonna kill me.
*Off topic*
He texted. It’s just a forwarded message and I didn’t feel anything. Weird. Normally, I’d feel disappointed or bad. Disappointed in the sense that it would remind me that he’s not
supposed to text me anymore but still does. Or he would say things I wouldn’t want to hear (anymore).Now, it’s like, well…nothing. I could just give a nonchalant shrug. Okay, just a forwarded message. No big deal. He’s probably maximizing his unlimited texts. hehe. Aba, may ka-text! As if!
I had dinner with Joni and Beng. It feels good to reminisce about past relationships. I keep going on and on about the good things though. As well as Beng and Joni. Okay lang naman yun e, remembering the good things and no bitterness. Just like feeling the heat of the sun on your face after taking a bite from a freshly picked apple. yeah. 
“Maybe Romeo & Juliet were fated to be together but just for a while. And then their time passed. If they could’ve known that beforehand maybe it would’ve all been okay…Even now I believe for the most part love is about choices. It’s about putting down the poison and the dagger and making your own happy ending … most of the time. And that sometimes despite all your best choices and all your best intentions, fate wins anyway.”
—(Meredith) Grey’s Anatomy
I couldn’t argue with that. You can keep trying to win back the love you lost. But if fate won’t give you a second chance to place a bet on the game, there’s nothing more you can do. Life would just give you a few incentives for the effort, but that’s all you’d get. Either you accept it or starve to death waiting to be fed with illusions that things will get better in time. If you choose the latter, you’ll die not ever getting what you deserve. Too late, you lost. No more choices left.
“Scared and damaged”
yes, that’s what you’ll be. I’m alone but i’m not scared to climb up the tree and get bruises when i fall. Who knows? Someone might catch me for the second time. I’m not picky. I don’t care whoever that may be, as long as he comes at the right time and at the right place. And say the right words like, “you’re crazy! you really wanna get yourself hurt, huh?”. I mean, it doesn’t have to be all mushy. Some people still have to rehearse what they have to say, you know. Sometimes, reacting violently and blurting out stupid things show how much you care. But here’s another problem, you have to know when to strike with stupid comments. Right timing, eh? God, life is really messed up. And you gotta have the guts to fix it up for yourself or else, you blend in the mess. It’s up to you to figure out what works better.
There are exceptions, of course. When you breakdown, you turn yourself into a mess. But it helps. It pushes you to do some sorting out when you’re done turning your world upside down. Looking at the clutter, you pick up the most important to the least. Arrange it again or rearrange it. Doesn’t matter. Now you distinguish and know what to keep from the ones you have to throw out. Things that need dusting off or polishing. Things that need a new owner for them to be taken care of. Things to be given away. With or without replacement, all you need is to see things differently. Knowing what you want and what really matters — it’s more than just a gift you give yourself.
“Who gets to determine when the old ends and the new begins? It’s not a day on a calendar. Not a birthday, not a new year.It’s an event, big or small, something that changes us. Ideally it gives us hope.A new way of living and looking at the world. Letting go of old habits, old memories.What’s important is that we never stop believing that we can have a new beginning. But it’s also important to remember that amid all the crap are a few things really worth holding on to…”
