Scribesmeister v4 (In Zero Gravity)

e-mo-tion (noun) : an affective state of consciousness in which joy, sorrow, fear, hate, love or the like, is experienced, as distinguished from cognitive and volitional states of consciousness.

it flicks like a switch and twitch your heart inside. these emotions hit you directly with a force of an avalanche and some people like me and bestie have found a synonym for emotion and that is, curse.

It is a curse. And sometimes you wonder why it has to happen. And why does it happen on you. A certain emotion has been blocked out of my system and for a long time I thought that I was no longer capable of feeling the pinch. But why am I here feeling like a candle wasted in burning? What am I thinking? Am I missing out on something? I must have left unfinished businesses during the clearing out. I must have mistaken a serious wound for a scab and didn’t think of giving an aid for healing. Whatever it is, I feel like something in me tore open and it hurt. It isn’t that bad. I just hate it. If I have to feel pain all my life, I would have chosen to be a rock. And crunch beneathe your feet, break into pieces and still remain as a solid dimentional rock of hollowness.

Whew, eventhough you hardly have any idea of what I’m talking about…I’m now zingy that writing shoved me out of my emotional distress. It may be temporarily, but it helps. At least at this moment, I’m still functioning as a human half granite slab.

———->Side B

Yesterday:

A glorious day for shopping. Arriving from Laguna, my grandparents’ Golden Anniversary, we agreed to brave the always suffocating crowd of Divisoria and SM malls with my cousins. It was really fun with a sigh of exhaustion. I’m not yet done with my Christmas shopping and I’m afraid that I’m almost out of time. But I have planned an agenda already. Since I couldn’t find nice shoes for my mom (which I am not even sure would fit), I think I’d just bring her to the Mall with me. Then we’ll buy a gift for Dad.

Who doesn’t like receiving gifts in gliterry and stylish wrappers? Well, my brothers are the top spoilers of excitement. Really. The one dragged me to his favorite shop and told me that there’s only one gift he wanted to get from me and it’s that Nike khaki shorts. Damn it. I don’t know why I couldn’t say no to him. I’ve been hypnotized. I resisted a bit but later on gave in. I really couldn’t complain with that freaking smile on his face that tells me, “Sis, you’re the best! at nauto na naman kita!”. Argh. Anyway, the other is trying to guess what I got for him and he’s right! Ohmygulaysh! I wanted to hide the suprised look on my face but my eyes betrayed me! I couldn’t help laughing in disbelief. My cousin (si Ms. Pabili at Arbor), was able to convince me to buy her something. Ugh. It was like my Christmas shopping list has been ruined. What am I going to need it for? I bought what they wanted and not what I wanted to give them that I THINK they WANT. Hmm, maybe I just have a hang up on gift giving when I was still a toddler. Sarj, you’re getting old. You’re ageing. Stop treating people like a bunch of kids waiting for their socks to be filled with candies on Christmas Eve! Aww, cut it out! Walang pakialamanan!

Because of that, I deleted the wishlist of the person I picked for our exchange gift (SEO team). Now, I have the liberty to get HER (clue!) whatever I desire. I just hope she’d like it. or, I’m
going to take it back and give her money instead. Haha.

So I think my Dad is the only person in my family who wants to be surprised or he just doesn’t like guesing? =p