I couldn’t believe that I was able to bear 5 long hours of writing nonstop for the completion of the said final exam! Honestly speaking, my brain was already half-dead when I started typing and I had to resist sinking into a coma. And when I saw the number of articles to be submitted? Ha! You could guess! God,I almost died. That was the longest exam I ever took! This one was a killer!
At 8pm, I still have five more remaining articles to finish up - this was ridiculous. I swear I heard myself whisper the words “THIS IS MADNESS!” in heavy sighs. Halfway through the topic Job Hunting, I found myself inserting something like…
“Jitters are normal, especially when you are not used to talking to strangers. But when an employer interviews you, please, hide the nervous wreck in you…
…Whether or not you get the job, you can say in the end that you tried your best with all the effort that you have made. If you didn’t make it this time, don’t ever think that you are a failure instead look at it as a challenge that you have to overcome. Sooner or later, you will be better at it and you will finally find the right job for you.”
A sudden rush of relief surged through my system. I had to slap myself, get up and leave. Besides, I believe that they don’t need a collection of my writing to assess my ability to produce quality works. So there, I took my own advice and I am happy that I did. *cheers*
Fast forward>>>
I performed a search on “sarj” again and look at this:
I am climbing up to the top guys!
From nothing to 9th, 7th, 5th place and now I’ve bagged the 3rd spot out of 2,460,000 result pages for SARJ since I have started optimizing my site with my nickname! Hurrah! :p
*cheers* again! 
* Last Saturday morning, our immediate supervisor announced that everyone from the morning shift will be transferred to graveyrad shift starting next Monday due to some “changes in arrangements” made by the bogus Gods. At first, I wasn’t surprised because I know that I am expected to tender work during night shift every end of the month. But then when he turned to my co-worker who is an expectant Mom and told her to join us too - I flinched. What?! I was like, “Are you trying to tell us that it’s time to endure the dreaded GY…forever?!” He said he couldn’t do anything about it, it was the decision of the management. To hell with their irrational and inconsiderate decisions! When did they ever care for their employees? And I don’t care if anyone from that company gets to read this blog. I don’t give a fiddler’s fart! If they have no choice but to take that step for whatever reason they blindly believe,well…that leaves us without a choice too, but to leave this hell in rotten luck!
With my simmering blood, I walked along Jobstreet again. I haven’t done this for a long time, really. Mainly because of my dormancy or pure lack of determination to exert a minute effort to move on from here. As I’ve said a lot of times, I’ve been planning to leave - I’m just waiting for the right moment to embark on a new journey. Now I try to look at it this way: this may be the right time and I surely hope it is.
* I’ve had my first interview out of anger and disgust yesterday afternoon. The office was located just beside the condo where I stayed in for 3 months during my on-the-job training at Summit Media. The place was quite classy and spacious - the owner must have a really good aesthetic sense, I thought. I finished a 100-item grammar and vocabulary exam plus 5-part essay under 30 mins. Obviously, I didn’t take much time. An interview followed then I was asked to go back later for the final exam. If I came back and found out that that wasn’t the final exam, I said that it’s a sign to look for another prospect. Anyway, while I was walking to their building, a gloom was already hovering me. And I said that if it didn’t pour down on me before I get to my interview and if the rain was already gone when I am finally through, it’s a sign that the job is meant for me. True enough, the dark skies gave up right after I stepped inside and when I went out, there’s only the wet pavement beneathe my shoes. Since everything went well, does it already mean that this is the right one for me? Not just yet! I still have another pending sign…can you see it somewhere in the first part? Hmm, we’ll see about that later.
* Witnessing the World Press Photo Exhibit by professional and renowned photojournalists all over the world at SM The Block last Sunday, I have started taking interest in photojournalism once again. The event was sponsored by Canon Phils and Asian Center for Journalism (Ateneo de Manila) which has been apparently promoting their newly pitched diploma course in Photojournalism. This is a one-year 7-course diploma in Photojournalism with only limited slots. Open for photojournalists, photo eds, photographers, and journalists with at least one year of full-time work experience (and they didn’t specify if it should be related to your field, did they?haha!). I was thinking that if I didn’t get the right job for me at the moment, maybe I should go back to school and learn more about my first love this June. So there, while I was getting hyped in downloading the application forms to be filled out, my eyes caught something that broke my heart: LAST DAY OF APPLICATION IS ON MARCH 31, 2007.
What?! I cussed. DOn’t they update their website? Why didn’t they just take out the application forms right after the deadline? Why did they still post ads along with the ongoing 2007 World Press Photo Exhibit? What the hell,huh?! At last, the end of my enthusiasm. Maybe it’s trying to tell me that I should get the best SLR first so I won’t look too old fashioned when they see mine. Haha. Or that I should polish my skills first and shoot a lot of subjects to stuff my portfolio with. Who knows? This is probably God’s will.
I will be patiently waiting for the signs and I will be looking for it at the same time because God knows - I can’t afford to miss it.
I didn’t want to budge, but I have to stop denying…
“OO na! Nalulungkot pa rin ako…at di ko alam ang rason.”
Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. I promised and I broke it.
I initially wanted to write something light, something that won’t get any of my readers down…but I f***** can’t! I wanted to try to be funny like the person I am outside this shell for a change. Actually, I have somehow succeeded in my previous entry. Less drama and more of the usual updates - but it always goes back to feeling this way. Feeling like myself again behind these walls.
This is my favorite time of the day to get all drenched in melancholia. A venomous spider must have gotten into my system to tear me down. Right now I’m folding up and I don’t know what part in me that should take over.
Emotions just swallowed me whole. And I can’t fuckin’ breathe! I want to curse this feeling. I want to push it away but it doesn’t leave me alone! This palpable tension of truths and lies in me is almost about to break out - I need a releaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-Timed out-
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