Wondering what I’ve been up to lately? Well, I couldn’t say much about that. It doesn’t mean to say that I can’t disclose it to the public, it’s just that I think it wouldn’t mean anything to you. But if you insist,okay, I’ll tell you… Haha. Hmm, to cut the story short, all I ever do since I quit my job (that was just a week ago) is to make the most out of my FREE time. Damn, it feels almost heaven to own your time, live by your rules, sleep and wake up late, come to near oblivion about what goes on outside my harmlessly chaotic world.
So, what have I been busy with? Hmm…
I started cooking some recipes again which only I could eat because of it’s unpalpableness. Just kidding! You should taste my home specialties, you know. Well, it doesn’t get served for free though. Sorry. Haha! Or you can try to be nice and see if it works. Oh, and I have regained my normally incredible appetite. (rummages through the cabinets and fridge for food) What?! It’s almost empty. 
Need to shop.
After a long while, I’ve finally managed to finish reading two books and I am currently on my third - the one which I bought from Powerbooks aside from Edgar Allan Poe’s and Pablo Neruda’s poetry collections. Damn, I have to catch up faster, have to lessen spending hours in front of this monitor.
It’s such an accomplishment to be able to go through the day without answering phone calls, replying to text messages or without going out to party. I turned down 3 party and get together invitations last Saturday. I just couldn’t go out. Why? Because I was designing the third version of my website layout (I need some help with the coding so maybe I’ll upload it by the end of the week) and I was redesigning/customizing my new blog(this is a less personal one. I call it experimental, even.Haha) And just in case you don’t know this about me yet, once I start doing something, I can’t leave without wrapping it up. I can’t stop until I think it’s done. I’m always determined to finish something, especially if it totally interests me. There are exceptions of course, like doing manual website submission. Cripes!
Okay, so I wasn’t ignoring anyone. I was just busy with these things. Don’t worry, I won’t get stuck in this forever…in fact, I’d be more busy come September. Haha! No, really…I don’t know how it’s going to be. I’ve finally accepted the job and I’ll be signing the contract later. Now I keep praying for God to guide me with my decisions and I hope this is the right one. I’ve thought about this for quite a number of times. Sometimes, thinking about it keeps me up. And eventhough I am still confused with what I really want, I chose what I believe is best at the moment. Why not give everything a shot, right? I could take the risk which comes with every great opportunity - but maybe it’s not my time yet. God, please give me the answers at your own perfect time. Patience. I have to wait for another chance.
You know what? It’s almost hard to believe that I’ve been working for 2 years already and I am still not contented with what ever I have accomplished. I still feel clammed up in a shell, trying to find a way to get out of it. I don’t want to rush things, but I am getting impatient - I am not getting any younger! Well, I know there are no short cuts in life…but am I walking the right path? I could choose freely which way to go, but my instincts tell me another thing - always with all the precautions. I am a very decisive person (it’s the truth, I am not bragging. Haha); it is impossible to regret this. Be positive, Sarj. You are one step closer and before you know it, you are just one step away from the dream.
I don’t really care if the journey would take longer than I thought, I just want to make sure that I’d be at the right time and place when I reach the end.
Time moves fast - I need to keep catching up. Time for relaxing is almost up.
I bet, a few moments later, my brothers would barge in again and tell me to get off my computer and watch some movies on TV. When I won’t leave, they would smirk and yell at me over their shoulder “Oh, come on! Forget about your online life for a while.” And I would try to find some powerful words to retort, only that I couldn’t. In the first place, they have always been right. I was supposed to forget about this. I should be happy that my slow speed dsl provider constantly reminds me that I am wasting my precious time here - I should take a break and let loose. I should be cathing up with everything offline - and isn’t that one of the reasons why I resigned from work? Isn’t that the point?
But as always, I always find a reason to justify my actions. I go online to communicate with my friends, to stay updated and make use of video tutorials for my planned software self-study. I can’t get away from this! Or maybe I can, I just don’t want to…yet.
And because everything seems to revolve around the net, sometimes blocking off real social interaction, people try to make the connection between individuals and their interests, more real than artificial as in computerized simulation - just to have someting to fill the gaps. I don’t know with you, but what makes this thing complicated is not dealing with it, but learning how to live without it.
Hell! I cannot even content myself with talking via im, sending and receiving updates via twitter, photo sharing via flickr or photobucket. Cannot content myself with an almost-real substitute for physical absence. And then I try to stop feeling despondent for a second, thinking that I am not alone in this, thinking that there are a lot of people who suffer the kind of loneliness where you can only imagine things being real. Well, in fact it is real…existing yet still missing.
Anyway, I’d rather stay in this virtual reality where most of you guys live in - than not being a part of it at all. Well, I’m thinking…I’d still have a lot of friends around just in case the glorious WWW explodes and vaporizes. Haha. 
So what if you miss watching TV and hate logging off? I’ve found an alternative for that…
(more…)
I should start making a written complaint against my broadband connection provider - yeah, you could try guessing which. Yes, now I am one of you who constantly bitch about how slow internet could get. I can’t focus on things I should focus on because you always mess things up. Downloading and uploading of files are chores I am beginning to resent because of you. Please stop giving me a headache. The last thing that I need right now is something that would drive me nuts. I mean, you can’t be like this to me for more than 48hours! I can tolerate your incapability to act on my requests right away, don’t abuse my kindness. And if I was able to scream at you over the phone, sorry - but you’re company is not making me happy or feel contented - at the very least. Instead, you’re making me lose my patience. Grr. And wait, this isn’t the written complaint yet. I haven’t even started complaining at this rate!
I told them I wanted to get this line cut off even if I haven’t reached a year (that’s the locked-in contract period) with them. And getting a reply that they would be the one who would decide if my reasons are valid for consideration or not is like telling me that I have no choice but to suffer. Who would let a customer get away by approving a request to terminate service? The customer gets to decide - I get to choose. Unless they start finding a way to make me stay and to convince me that this is even worth a second shot. In any kind of relationship, you only get what you give. In this case, I gave my trust and they violated it. So what do they expect to get from me? A daily dose of bashing, that’s what.
Oh, shoot! I don’t even know when I’d get to post this entry. I have no internet connection!!!
>>posted. at last.
