Scribesmeister v4 (In Zero Gravity)

Questions

Jutted yet shrouded

Twisting, obscuring, haunting

Contextual permanence of perplexity

Rising, intensifying, fading

Weak and dying

Answers

and so I pushed the pen again.

“…expect upsetting news from afar. Even the news will trigger you to respond from within as you view the bigger picture of changes beyond your control.” - from my daily horoscope

I couldn’t agree more with that. Nice random guess. I got a real upsetting news - but it’s nothing I couldn’t handle. Believe me.

Things have been getting really upsetting lately, but as you know me, I always try to look at the brighter side of life.  I mean, come on, as if it doesn’t happen quite often. In fact, I’ve somehow conditioned myself to automatically see the two faces of something - the ugly and the beautiful. The ugliness in something makes it more fitting, more natural, more compatible to my own imperfections as a human. Ugliness is not the opposite of beauty, but a part of it. But as humans, we tend to aim for perfection. And as much as it breaks my heart to have to deal with feeling bad everytime I accept the way things are, nothing could make me feel unhappier than ending up frustrated in myself. And nothing could be more frustrating than giving up on myself.

Whew. I have let it out, at last. I know I will feel better soon. Thanks for listening. Joni, you are right…it feels good to admit that you are sad. I am, too. But I won’t let this sadness take over me. So if sadness is an enemy, I definitely want to be its friend. Besides, I don’t think my life would be complete without it. If had not known sadness, happiness would be forever absent in my world. I cannot exist without it both.

How many of you have watched the Exorcism of Emily Rose, the life story of a German Catholic Anneliese Michel? Well, most parts of it are more interesting than terrifying - especially the court trial scenes and dialogues. Just like most internal conflicts, it’s always your head that is always battling with your heart and choosing which to follow. Anyway, that is not where I am getting at. Listen.

If you could still remember, the witching hour was briefly discussed in that film - mainly the significance of waking up at 3 in the morning and what it symbolizes. It could mean a lot of things, really. In Catholic belief, it’s the hour when the demons mock the Holy Trinity for it is the opposite of the crucifixion of Christ which happened at 3 in the afternoon. While for the paranormal work, as it has been said, psychic phenomena tends to peak at this hour. For psychic mediums, it could mean that you are picking up an information from another source (e.g. spirit or person). Whether one or two things of these are true, it is still scary. If it isn’t, then I am bothered.

Years before I learned about those meanings or before I started giving a damn about it, I keep waking up at that hour especially when I was still staying at the dormitory where some people I know claim that they were seeing ghosts there. I believe I have always been brave enough to put those thoughts aside and shrug it off. And as long as these ghosts won’t haunt me or show themselves, I’d be fine. Well, you may think that I am just crazy, hallucinating or whatever, but I had quite a countless experience of some “spirit manifestations” and now it’s creeping me out already. I have seen actual exorcism rites that was performed on a presumed possessed person, felt a real touch at the back of my head a few times, heard voices, saw some unexplainable rather indescribable figures - I swear all of these are true, but everything would become just a big lie if you think I am imagining things wide awake, in broad daylight, in my right mind. Right, this may all sound stupid, but you have to know that I always try hard to make my logical reasoning work to make it all seem like a lie to me. And yet, no matter what you do - you still believe in what you know because it did not happen to anyone but you, right? So why would you lie to yourself? Why would you give others the satisfaction to watch you turn against what you truly believe in? Unless you find a real good reason why you should.

So why am I talking about this? Well, it’s because I experienced some “paranormal activity” early this morning as soon as I tucked myself in my bed. Actually, I intended to finish what I was doing on my computer before my Mom falls asleep so I tried to hurry working, locking the doors and cleaning up. So I slipped beside my Mom, still could not sleep right away - then I heard some noise. It wasn’t that loud but it was repetitive, irritating even. And I felt like I had to find the source of the sound and fix it. It might be just the leaking faucet or what have you. Then I slowly went downstairs and I stopped on my 6th step when I clearly heard what it was - someone was typing, continuously pressing hard on the keys of my computer. I didn’t want to get near the computer table for I was afraid to see anything that might shock me so I went back to my room instead and was surprised that my Mom had awakened. I asked her if she could hear something, she said she could hear the same thing and told me not to mind it. I looked at the clock, it said 3:05 a.m. - the noise gradually stopped and I eventually fell into deep slumber. Later in the morning, my Mom couldn’t stop talking about it. Does having someone who shares the same experience makes me half-crazy or makes us both crazy?

It’s too early for horror stories, I know. But this isn’t one of those made-up ones especially cooked up just to entertain you.