I’ve been busy doing a lot of planning lately and I know things won’t crash down again. Don’t ask me, I just know. I’m feeling lucky in spite of being in such a chaotic place where you can see major catastrophes burst here and there - as ordinary as popping popcorn and as redundant as it sounds. And all I do is to wait for it to settle, let it cool, sniff off the scent of butter wafted in the air then pop a handful into my mouth, swallow, choke a bit, cough it off and allow a minute to pass before I take in some more.
I’m done with planning, it has been set. Whatever is meant to happen should happen now. You either win or lose. Succeed or fail. Smile or…smile wryly. Tell me, have you ever seen me frown? 
I am aware that I seem to be frowning when I’m serious or lost in my thoughts but I’m not really frowning - I’m pouting, silly! I just do it to make it look contemplative. Haha. When you see me laugh while crying, you’d wonder with your twisted brain how you’d be able distinguish sanity from insanity with such strangeness. 
Crying is actually the insane part. The moment you realize how ridiculous you are for crying like a baby, that’s when laughter comes in and washes you with sanity like a pail of ice cold water your Mum splashes on you when you’re too drunk. Well, look at that…I remember there was a time when alcohol made me cry for some unknown reason. Isn’t that crazy? Yes, it is.
But that’s my life…it’s all about laughter and tears. But I’d rather have laughter for all the days of my life if it’s even possible. On the other hand, salted tears make my life tastier, less bland and definitely better. 
So what do I know about regrets? Nothing, really. It only stays 10 seconds in my mind. That is why eventhough my much-awaited Holga is still in transit (and who knows? It might not even reach me anymore! Grr.), I’m still keeping my hopes up. Haha. I’ll give it until next week, then I’d have to chalk it up to experience. That’s all part of taking risks. I’m gambling my money on an Olympus XA for the third time. Weeh! Oh God, please let me have it. Wish me luck, okay? Even if it gets awful at times, everything is worth giving a try, right? I guess we just have to learn how to make better choices next time. Oh no, you’re wrong if you think I’m giving up. It will be on my door step soon and I’ll be snapping at beautiful places once again before you know it. Hmph.
I know, this is two days overdue but who could blame me? We had just recovered 37 out of almost 200 pictures from the screwed-up memory card. I should be glad that at least, we were able to salvage some of it although all the other beautiful pictures I took turned into waste. Grr.
The attendees: Rai, Nico, Vanz, Em, Beng, Joni, Kelly and yours truly.
I went stag on this date. So please stop associating me with anybody. LOL.
At long last, the occasion to wear my red wrap-around tube cocktail dress finally came. I haven’t worn this since the day it was given to me - and that was a long time ago. I really don’t like attending affairs such as this where I’d have to dress up and make an effort to look…err, mature? LOL! If there’s one socialite among the group, it has to be Kelly (the queen of presscons) or Rai (the marketing manager slash pimp). Haha. Anyway, it was hard to fix my hair the way I wanted it, so after much deliberation - I tried straightening the tresses, pulled my bangs behind and clipped it. I even forgot to sweep a pink tint over my cheeks. See? If not for my eye shadow and cherry lipstick, I would have looked really pale. Haha. Well, even the dab of lipstick didn’t last long, you know. Because even before the pageant started, I was already eating fishballs and kikiam on the sidewalk, gulping a bottle of water and wiping the mess off my lips. I never retouched my make up nor combed my hair - it’s supposed to look messy. Haha. My friends kept joking me that I could bag the title of Little Miss Earth if there was one - apparently, there is (no kidding). Haha! Oh come on, I’m over involuntarily joining pageants back in the days when my face still matches my age. Sshhh.
Moving on, here’s former MTV Vj Utt and his Brazilian co-host whose name I have forgotten. Sorry.
welcoming the 88 Ms. Earth ‘07 candidates
the crowd’s going wild (except for the anti-social “us”) and cheering for the ones they are rooting for. Yay! I captured the Philippine flag.
fast forward: Ms. Canada won the Ms. Earth 2007 title (my bet was Ms. India), whom I recently learned to be half-filipina. I knew it. Filipinas have this unmistakable “it” factor in them. Haha. Nah, it’s just that she looks like one and besides, who else could distinguish better but the ones with Filipino blood?The event ran for almost 4 hours exclusive of 2 hours waiting time. Does Filipino time really affects other clock synchronization? Anyway, it wouldn’t have mattered that much now if only I had got the other pictures from my camwhoring sessions in between long breaks. Pfft.
Disappointments are just like heavy jagged rocks that life throws at you - it momentarily set you back as you become conscious of the discomfort brought by pain then naturally roll down to your feet and crackle underneath it.
Anger is the tempting, burning desire to pick up that rock, lock it up within your fist and refuse to let go - until its sharp edges cut deeper and deeper, fill your eyes with bitter tears and leave you almost lifeless. It’s harder to heal when your heart is full of anger.
Love…is simply acceptance. It’s the realization that you are a human who feels, who understands why it has to hurt and who sees these rocks not as an obstacle but something that could create friction to light up your fading phosphorescence and allow you to see your way again.
You are much, much stronger than you think. Disappointments are meant to fall, not you. The pain does linger, it could even take a little while before it goes away but you would be fine. Besides, who could possibly take losing over a piece of rock? Certainly not me.
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