Scribesmeister v4 (In Zero Gravity)

Waking up in the middle of the night, turning to the person sleeping beside me and straining my eyes to make out a face out of the hazy silhouette. Moving closer, the image becomes clearer - it’s not who I thought it was, the face was just my Mom’s and not someone else’s.

Then I looked around me, everything’s exactly the same as I had in my mind before the magical second I was jolted out of sleep. I had an utterly wonderful dream, almost perfect in all aspects. But waking up and knowing what is actually happening and bound to happen, gave me a nightmarish feeling. Am I in the right place? Is my head still screwed on? Is this happening? What is real and what is not? I often mistake figments of my imagination for real life events and vice versa and even if I am totally aware of the cropping up reality, if it’s sure going to be a tragic memory, I try to push it at the very back of my mind and throw an invisible cloth over it. In that way I won’t remember it happened when it did. My life has become a nightmare. Now I know why there are a lot of crazy people on earth and all of them fantasize about the unreal - it does feel a lot better when you learn to take your mind away from reality. I could understand that and you could call me crazy just for that reason.

Surely, sooner or later it has to come out in the open, it has to be recognized, it has to be welcomed and it has to be greeted with an unfaltering smile. Yet until I am ready, I refuse to be affronted by it.

Weighing down my wins and losses, decidedly, I am a failure once again. Even the concept of time, the sense of self-worth and the ability to unload the burden off the ones I care about - I have lost.

And to think, I’m supposed to be happy now that I’m back, but I am feeling worse than ever.  Well I just realized, this blog is not really made for funny stories (maybe just on the sides) and happy endings after all - this blog exists to cater to riddling ramblings and add another agitator to the chaos in cyberworld.