I wish I could color my words and hide the ugliness in it…but all I have is black and what it implies.
It’s resurfacing…all the words I’ve lost to you. I thought I already had it known before that day robbed me of all my strength to become completely honest with what I feel. I may not have the right to say this and may never have the chance to say it straight to your face - but this is far from what I have hoped for. I don’t even think I’ve expected to much from this - I just let things be, don’t I? And all you did was to avoid what confronts you.
So why do you make me stay? When you know that…
…I do not stay to be ignored. I do not speak to be interrupted. I do not say the truth to be ridiculed. I do not walk towards you to be pushed away. I do not let go to be burdened with more guilt.
I did not choose to become your friend to be treated like a threat to your existence.
But do you really know what goes inside my head right now? I highly doubt you do, yeah, why would you have to give a damn?
Do yourself a favor, pull that plug and let me go down the drain with all the memories you left with me.
I mean it and I am not saying that just because your chosen course of action is beginning to enrage me - it’s because I’m feeling the need to let off some steam before I explode into pieces you could never hold together without hurting yourself.
Due to my utter disappointment and hopelessness in every horror movie I watch…
…can anyone just, please, kill me? And don’t just leave a mess that marks the end of my life, for Pete’s sake! Don’t make your mission pointless by not letting everyone know why I have to die. Oh shit, has movie directors/producers really lost their artistic sense?! Generally, American horror movies are crap - really! I just keep hoping it’ll get better but it doesn’t. That’s the reason why they always attempt to reinvent ideas from Asian horror movies. Argh! I should’ve known just by looking at the dvd cover. Apparently, the saying “simplicity is beauty” doesn’t apply to it anymore.
Emo emo emo…if you have a low self-esteem, that would explain why “emo” people are somewhat portrayed as some sick suicidal junks on earth - if you know what I mean by that adjective.
Luckily, I am not that type of emotional freak wanting to get attention and physical affection for crying out loud! I don’t walk around with my coal-rimmed eyes in Gothic fashion and giving up high fives with my fellow sickos as we kick start the day with screamo music. Why would I want the world or anyone for that matter to feel my anger, pain and disgust for my own kind? Why would I let anyone suffer and sympathize with me if I am supposed to make people feel better? You need something that would help you crawl out of that hole, not to bury yourself in it.
Yes, I do get my own share of emotional drama like most of the time…but that’s part of the way I am and as much as possible, I never wanted it to show. In stating that, it doesn’t also mean that I just keep it all inside. I do let it out in any way I could think of. I become more productive when I am stuck in a funk actually, because I make myself useful but not when I am down with a fever. As you know, it doesn’t help a bit when you’re being so damn worthless, lying around all the time. Yeah yeah, I actually need to get some sleep by now but I slept from 7-11pm - just woke up for my dinner. And now, I just can’t go back to dreamland again! So you know what I am getting myself busy with at the moment? It’s Kokology - A series of Self-Discovery Tests! 
I’ve always wanted to buy this book but always found no time to get one or whenever I get the time, I don’t have the money. haha! See how strange circumstances are? 
Anyway, the net has given me an alternative…I got myself an e-book! Ha! Freeloader pirate! Anyway, I took some of the tests.. and I’d like to post this one.
Adrift On the Breeze
Can you still remember those long summer days when school was out, you had no responsibilities and there was nothing but time from when you woke up till the sun finally went down? Time for play and adventure, time to daydream and roam. Hours to spend on childhood diversions… flying kites.. watching clouds…blowing bubbles.
Image you are out again on a childhood summer’s day, blowing bubbles in an open field. Which of the following best describes the scene you imagined?
1. The bubbles you blow float away high into the sky.
2. You are blowing hundreds of tiny bubbles through your plastic ring.
3. You’re concentrating on blowing a single enormous bubble.
4. The bubbles you make are carried behind you on the breeze.
Results
(more…)
