Sometimes there is a greater lack of communication in facile talking than in silence.
If you ask me what’s on my mind right now, I’d say there’s nothing. Nothing that you would find interesting and relevant in your lives. So as I speak the nothingness in every nook and cranny of my convoluted mind, remember what I said and remember it’s nothing to you.
I sit here listening to the rythmic clicking of keys as I type this up and the endless ticking of the clock before me telling me it’s time to for lunch. My eyes constantly shift from my pc monitor to my mobile phone noticing that it hasn’t been making any sound lately like it used to. However, it seems to be enjoying its solitude like I do - having longer battery life and good-as-new exterior. It doesn’t look “used” at all, but whenever I don’t look at it I become uncertain about one thing and a thought comes to mind: Does it relish in its insignificance when it’s clearly showing signs of neglect?
How important is having a mobile phone in my life now? Not to mention having a replacement? I could say it doesn’t matter that much to me anymore. But since it’s my only accessory that could make me ignore people while I pretend on texting someone, I keep it close to me. Being an anti-social isn’t exactly a new trend I’m starting on, the peculiarity has long been living in me. In fact, I like going back to my shell every now and again. It has never been a problem with me knowing that those people who are totally in sync with me would understand.
My eyes are now glued to the monitor…how important is this cyberconnection to the world to me? How happy getting a single email update about the lives of my friends makes me? And how do you think I would feel when I get nothing? I won’t feel anything I suppose, but I’d probably just attach a dynamite to my computer and watch a decidedly vital part of my life explode into tiny pieces before me. Ain’t that bad, really.;)
Occasionaly, I’d be wrapped up in silence, in isolation, and in a cyclic motion. My thoughts may mean nothing, but with your comforting words…I don’t feel alone.
…kicks in at this time of the day so you know what I did? I watched My Sassy Girl for the nth time. That’s only how far my cheesiness could go. Any movie considered cheesier than that is a no goer. So why did I choose this movie? It’s simple, it always makes my eyes well up with tears and it’s good to feel melodramatic sometimes just to check if my lachrymal glands are working and I still get a normal heartbeat. Haha! It actually made me cry the first time even if my brothers were sitting side by side with me while watching it. Boo! Up until now I still think that in that movie, the guy was in an even worse situation compared to the girl. Although if you think about it, they possess one thing in common: they are both emotional masochists. But aren’t we all like that when it comes to loving?
“What is fate? It’s building a bridge of chance for your love.” (more…)
I’ve managed to mass up some additional bulk during my trip weighing 3 kilos and since I have decided to crash diet with only having cereals, oats and wheat clubhouse sandwiches in the morning, I have successfully pulled my weight back down to normal in just 3 days. But as soon as I started feeling good about my whole being again, I took the first chance to overeat and binge-drink on a buffet dinner. I didn’t even hold back. I was all out. I didn’t even resist the temptation even for just a second although I knew I was making a mistake. Ahh, such goodness, I couldn’t afford to miss. To hell with the dieting, this is my happiness NOW. But thinking that I am only 2 more days away from our beach outing makes me feel a little sad. I would have completely gotten rid of this beer gut if I had made a sacrifice. It may not be a big thing for people who could live on small portions of salad or or whatnot, but I don’t think I could starve myself to death with that when I have a choice to eat. It’s the same thing with people who couldn’t see the reason why beer is one of the most amazing discoveries ever - to date! As long the barrels hasn’t run out of it yet and if alcohol fund is not a question, drinking beer will always be a part of my life.
So you know you can live without these things, you just don’t want to. You keep taking it in even when you know you’ve had enough because for some reason, losing yourself in the moment feels so liberating. Then eventually you stop because you’ve had too much to make you sick that you just have to.
Well, that doesn’t happen all the time, does it? You could pretend to be knocked out and sick, dodge all the beers and save your popping beer gut…well maybe just for tonight, I’d leave it to the boys. Got to put some sense back into my head.:)